Small Talk-An observation

Coach Marty and Coach Roger

I consider myself terrible at small talk. It is not my thing, I don't really enjoy it much, although I do recognize it is important. However, my husband Marty is a pro, not just at small talk, but at using it to build real relationships.


What I have noticed is that he practices all the time. He makes friends with everyone--waiters, cashiers, neighbors, even people at drive through windows recognize his voice and know what his "order" is going to be. He befriends people by finding something in common with them and remembering things about them. Then he finds reasons to get closer to people like a common friend or a new experience together such as our kids being on the same sports team or something, or even a joke at his own expense. He is so good at quickly finding out what is really important to a person and then caring about that aspect of their lives. Because of this people tend to remember him. He runs into someone who knows him almost everywhere he goes, and he never shys away from saying hello to a friend (I do!). He calls his friends on the phone often to say, "Hi." He still has the same best friend he has had for his entire life (since they were babies).


Amazingly he can accomplish this with people of all ages and backgrounds. He reaches out and asks people for help when he needs it (for example, with a home improvement project, find out the answer to a question, or to get our piano tuned, etc.). He reconnected with his friend Roger and has now roped him into coaching football with him for the second year in a row. It really helps him with his career (as a sales rep) and has come in really handy in life when we have needed help with really important things such as medical advice and treatment.

So my strategy is to keep him close by! I talk to him ahead of time when we are going to a party and ask him to make sure to include me in conversations and not to abandon me to sit at a table by myself, especially if we are going somewhere I don't know anyone. I try to practice like he does, but I find it wears me out!

We are a good match because we are so complementary. He liked me because he did not always have to be chatty around me. He appreciated the chance to just be. I liked him because I loved the way he walks into a room and immediately fills it up with his smile and personality. He starts talking to someone, and pretty soon the whole group is gathered around listening to him. I am like a conversation condor, circling around, smiling and nodding, but secretly waiting for the conversation to move out of small talk mode and into more serious realms, and then I am ready to jump in!